Finding Your Purpose

One of the characteristics of people who live longer and healthy lives is having purpose – having something that is important to you and gets you out of yourself. But, what does that mean? There are workshops and seminars and expensive weekends where some ‘guru’ will tell you how to find your passion, your life’s purpose and make your life fulfilling and meaningful.

I have a slightly different take now that I am retired and have experienced many years of fulfillment and purpose. For me, purpose is now to live a happy, healthy life and enjoy friends, family, my dogs and reading, and painting and even just watching TV. I no longer have to save the world, or go on Shark Tank with some new product. My purpose is to appreciate all I have right now.

This does not mean I lay on my bed and watch Netflix all day – on the contrary – I find that rather boring. But, now being released from the pressure to find that “purpose”, that greatness, that passion, is so relieving and even, shall I say, spiritual, that I am feeling more fulfilled in whatever I do. And, surprisingly enough, more and more wonderful things keep coming to me in what seems to be ‘out of the blue’.

And, just maybe, that’s been the idea all along. To appreciate and be grateful for everything I do have. Even the ability to clean the house and scrub floors says I’m alive and my body is working – how wonderful is that.

If everything you see, do and have is something to rejoice in – isn’t that passion. Start from there. It will take you to other moments of joy and purpose.

Upset over the climate change issue – well then, get involved even if it’s just a few hours a month. Angry over what’s happening with the homeless and housing issue, there are many ways to get involved. Anger, by the ways, says you are passionate about something – whatever it is. Look at that underlying anger over issues. Turn that into action and voila, you have purpose. Then appreciate that you have done something, feel something and are involved in something outside of your own self interests.

Maybe your meaningful life is to be a great employee (in whatever you do) and/or a great parent or partner. All of those things take work and bring you fulfillment. So, get off the merry-go-round of comparing yourself to those who have made millions with an app – that is far from meaningful anyway – and appreciate your life as it is right this second. Your purpose and joy is yours alone. Comparing is so painful.

And, if you feel you are lacking in meaning, open yourself up to your purpose and all that joy coming into your life no matter how large or small. One step at a time, one little thing at a time and you will fill your days, weeks, months, and years with great joy and meaning. And, isn’t that the purpose all along?!

Getting Angry Too Often?

Do you find yourself getting angry for no reason – or maybe you have a reason and have a hard time controlling the anger. Is it time to see a professional about this? Is it time to go on medications (I hope not) or is it time to take a look at your diet.

Anger and food are closely aligned. Anger is associated with the liver, in Chinese medicine. And, the liver is responsible for processing all the poisons out of your body – along with a few other functions. If you have been putting in too much junk, alcohol, sugar and processed foods along with lots of medications and even supplements into your body, your liver may not be able to process it well. The result, you feel like poop and it can come out as anger towards others and even towards yourself.

So, if you, your partner or even your children have a hard time controlling their anger, take a look at your diet. Try eliminating processed foods and decreasing sugar and alcohol intake for a week and just notice if it makes a difference.

And, as always, contact me if you want more information or would like to consider having a health coach. Email me at Care enough about yourself to get healthy.

Food and Your Moods

Though I have not written in awhile, I am back – hooray. Hope someone is reading this besides me. I’ve been out for two main reasons: my website locked me out and the computer went kafluey for over 3 months – took me 5 trips to Geek Squad to get it fixed.

But during this time, I have been studying to become an integrative nutrition health coach through IIN – a great online education to become an integrative health coach – something the world is going to need more of as we become an increasingly obese and unhealthy world. I am doing the 6 month accelerated program – regular program takes a year. I’m very impressed with all they teach regarding both primary and secondary food.

Primary food is NOT what you put in your mouth. It’s your relationships, your finances, your career, spirituality, home environment, home cooking, your overall health, exercise, your social life, education, your career and the amount of joy in your life. Secondary food is everything you put in your mouth and, hopefully, digest.

The importance of primary food cannot be overestimated. Even when you are not the best eater, if you have a great support system and community, your health is better. Today, we are suffering from an epidemic of Loneliness. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram just don’t cut it. We need face to face contact while not being on our phones or laptops. We need to connect to be healthy.

Though I will continue to write more about food/mood/health/happiness and a good life, take the first step in your life. Get out of your comfort zone and out of your home. Go do something with or for someone else. Talk to others. Smile at someone. Reach out. Share a meal. Do a favor. Go visit someone who is unable to get out. Notice how much better and joyous you feel.

You don’t need to do this all at once. Little by little. Notice how it affects your own health and disposition. Break out of that “sit home, watch Netflix, play computer games” habit. You can always go back to it. But, I assure you, you will feel and love the change once you take a leap and connect. May not happen immediately – but please, don’t give up. It’s worth it for your life and your health and happiness.

Gratitude Journaling Makes Life Better

Been unable to get into my site, and I’ve been lazy, but back on now and ready to just post my opinions and guidance once again.

I make a point of requesting that my clients do a Gratitude Journal everyday. Just buy an inexpensive little book that you can put daily entries in and keep it private, it’s nobody else’s business what you write.

Everyday, write, don’t type or put it in your phone, what you are grateful for that day. You start out saying: “Today, I am grateful for:” and then you can list a few things or just one thing that you are thankful for. It doesn’t have to be anything big. It can be a beautiful tree or sunset that you noticed that day. It could be a tasty meal. Or it could be something big like winning $20 on your lottery ticket. Try to put down something different everyday. If it’s just one thing, write down why it was so meaningful for you.

Some people just list a bunch of things. That’s not necessary. It’s your journal. Write what works for you. Then close with ‘thank you for all this and more.”

You might just notice that the more you are grateful for, the more you will have to be grateful for…every single day. This is also a mindfulness exercise. It keeps you focused on things you notice everyday that you are grateful for. Great for keeping the brain focused and growing.

If you miss a day – okay. Just try to do it as often as possible. Most people report that they notice a positive difference in their lives when they continue to do journaling. Oprah talked about gratitude journals years ago. I think I paid a smidgeon of attention at that time, but it always stuck in my mind. Now, not only do I practice what I preach, I make it a regular homework assignment for clients.

Try it. It’s easy to do. Can be done anytime during the day (I prefer writing before bedtime). It’s your journal. Make it yours.

The Opioid Crisis and Big Pharma

Listening to 60 minutes on the opioid crisis and the governments complicity in allowing the pharmaceuticals to continue to push these drugs.  This is a repeat but it still incenses me.  By now, everyone knows the drug companies and its distribution outlets couldn’t care less about your health.  It’s all about profit.  And, this report by 60 minutes now just links the government, both Congress and the FDA, to this epidemic.

Big pharma has big money.  They only care about profit.  This is what happens when money and greed rule and we have the best Congress money can buy.  It is only getting worse.  And, even though you think you have choice in the matter, you don’t.

The DEA, thanks to Congress, has little power to enforce laws against drug companies.  It’s okay to go after the mom and pop stores or the Latino who has a small part in this.  But to go after the pharmaceutical companies, like Cardinal Health and McKesson is verboten.  Could it be that is because the pharmaceutical industry has spent 2.5 Billion dollars on lobbying effort in 2017.  Or that they spent $900 million on lobbying between 1998 and 2005.  You bet.  They bought Congress.  There is way too much money in pushing drugs and to addict people.

They do not care about you or your children’s life.  They may profess how important ‘our children’ are, but they have actually taken no action to make a difference   Over 63,000 people died due to opioids in 2016.  And 40% of those deaths are due to prescription opioids.  That’s more than died in 9/11 and in the Vietnam War.

Many hospitals are now putting in protocols regarding prescribing opioids.  But, the pharmaceutical industry is doing their best to continue to push their use beyond necessity.  So, ask yourself, who is really the ‘drug pusher’ here and who are the collaborators.

(Opioids include oxycodone`, fentanyl, methadone, hydrocodone, Vicodin, Norco, Lortab, and new stronger morphine type drugs are being created and distributed as well.}

If this concerns you, write Congress, write the President, the FDA, and talk with your doctor should they insist (like some Occupational doctors do) that you take these medications, even if you don’t want them.  This happens way too often.  These meds don’t speed up healing and, as you know, they are highly addictive.



Everyone, including me, has suffered the loss of a relationship, a death of someone we loved, a friendship, a job and our dreams.  The pain of this loss can last from weeks to what seems like forever.  How do we get through this?  So often, it seems that we don’t and even feel we can’t.  But, we can and we can thrive.

When we feel rejected, especially by someone who we thought would never reject us, like a child, a spouse, a parent, it’s such a crushing feeling.  It can bring sadness and in some cases, it can become debilitating.  In one case, I know of a women, who deeply loved her child, ended up in a legal battle with him due to unforeseen circumstances. She won the case, but lost her adult son.   He has not spoken to her in years.  And, though they were very close for most of his life, this ended whatever they might have had.  She became despondent.  Ended up with serious illnesses, including cancer and deep depression.  Formerly, a healthy person, this blow was too much for her system. 

She survived.  She finally accepted this painful situation and realized if her emotions continued to get the best of her, she was going to die.  After a great deal of inner work, she accepted what was and sent love and joy to her son…wanting only the best for him.  Today, she is doing very well and working everyday.  Yes, she misses him.  But, her being in pain did not help anyone. She embraced acceptance and compassion for her self and her son.

This is not uncommon.  We literally can make ourselves sick when we go through a loss. Part of us believes that if we are sick, the other might come to visit.  We feel we don’t deserve to be happy or healthy if the other rejected us.  If the other has died, do we deserve to live.  The connection to the other is so strong, we don’t even know who we are without them.

A reasonable period of time to grieve our loss is appropriate and healthy.  That period varies depending on the person and the situation.  And, there are some techniques to help you get through. 

Of course, talking with someone and not being alone with this pain is so important.  For some, there are groups, which can be very valuable. (Please look up an appropriate group for your needs on the internet or ask a friend or your therapist or doctor).

Make sure to take care of yourself.  We all hear the phrase ‘self-care’ but don’t necessarily know what that means.  Briefly, it means sleeping well, eating right (minimize alcohol and sugars), exercising -walking always works well and it helps to be out in nature.  Being alone for long is not healthy.  If you only have one or two good friends, that is fine, spend time with them.  Involvement in a community contributes to health and happiness. If you have a religious community, utilize them.  If you have a hobby or a way to help others, do it, that improves mood and functioning as well.

If you meditate, which I highly recommend, there is a Buddhist method called Tonglen.  As you sit quietly and focus on your breath, you breathe in the pain (yes, breathe in the pain) and on the outbreath, you send peace, love, joy…whatever is appropriate to the other or to yourself.  In fact, you can do this many times and everytime can be for yourself, the other, or to all those who have suffered the loss you have.  And, if it brings you tears, that is wonderful too.

There are other methods to help you get through which include grief therapy, emotional freedom technique (also known as Tapping), and above all acceptance.  Refusal to accept the situation as it is, only brings more pain and is like King Sisyphus of Greek mythology.  His punishment for his hubris was having to roll a boulder uphill to the top of a mountain only to have it roll down every time it reached the top.  He was condemned to a lifetime of suffering. 

Loss is part of life. No one escapes this life without suffering some loss or rejection at some time.   As a human being you have a right to be happy, healthy and live a full life.  Should you be in the throws of loss and find yourself in pain, take a moment, accept the situation, send compassion and love to yourself and even to the other, and do something nice for yourself.  Continue to practice this everyday and you will wake up one morning and realize it is not the first thought that comes into your mind nor distract you from living a good and happy life. 

Do not hesitate to seek counseling if you need assistance in getting through this time.



I completed a training in Nutritional and Integrative Medicine for Mental Health professionals last week. I had the joy of spending 5 days in Sedona at the Mago Retreat Center with about 65 other wonderful people who want to really help heal people without their having to be on medications for the rest of their lives.  Medications that, for the most part, don’t really work.

Are you aware that your gut is considered your second brain? And, did you know that between 80 and 95% of serotonin (your happy hormone) is created in the gut – not in your brain.  Yet, anti-depressant medications target the brain area that is responsible for Serotonin production.  That is, no doubt, why most SSRIs do not work effectively and have to be amplified by taking another drug.  And, it is well know that Effexor, a commonly prescribed SSRI, is not as effective as exercise in decreasing depressive symptoms (this was in Effexor’s own research).  Coming off Effexor and other SSRIs can be a long, painful and tedious process, to say nothing of the initial side effects of SSRIs – constipation (that’ll depress you), weight gain, low sex drive (now that’s pretty depressive too).

One of the other issues with SSRI medications is that there is a connection between long term use and the development of Alzheimers.

Now, I am not anti-medication. There are times when people do need an anti-depressant or even an anti-anxiety to get them through.   But, coming off is very difficult and takes months – if done correctly.  What I am anti- is the wholesale distribution by the psychiatric and pharmaceutical industries in pushing medications that do not really resolve issues and can have long term negative effects. It is rare to find a psychiatrist who actually wants to practice psychiatry anymore.  Typically, you get 20 minutes (max) with the doctor who is deciding which medicine to put you on.  Or, you don’t even see an MD you get to see a nurse practitioner or a physician’s assistant – who basically does the same thing.  Then, they might refer you for therapy – where you should have gone initially.

They rarely, if ever, recommend a change in diet, ask you about your sugar consumption or even your alcohol consumption.  How is your social life? Do you have friends – ones that are supportive?  Do you spend a lot of time alone sitting in front of the tv eating?  How is work?  Is it stressful?  Do you hate what you do?  Do you have any goals or purpose that drives you?   Do you come from a family where one of your parents was an addict?

These are significant in how your life is? Do you exercise at all?  Exercise is actually more effective than most anti-depressants (this is documented).  Do you get enough sunlight?  Most of us are deficient in vitamin D3.  We are all pretty deficient in B12- a soluble vitamin that is excreted everyday.  It is considered the Stress Vitamin and we all need it.  Do you regularly consume that each day (with food).

There are so many ways to handle difficult issues outside of medication. Medication typically dulls the senses so you can get through the day.  It does not correct or resolve the situations that have caused the depression or anxiety  in the first place.  That means you are stuck forever if you can’t get out of the stuckness of your mind.

At the training, it became evident that there are many environmental and nutritional reasons for depression as well – not just that you were jilted or your boss yelled at you or you had a mean parent.

How is your sleep? Lack of quality sleep often leads to depression.  Do you have physical pain?  This is a major reason for depressive moods.  Are you eating foods that cause depression – sugar, gluten, dairy, soy, foods with lots of artificial additives (aspartame). These are foods that have been shown to cause serious allergies, bloating, leaky gut syndrome, anxiety and depression.

It is amazing how many people clean up their diet and find that they are no longer depressed. That the unhealthy parasites that have been dwelling inside you for years, feasting on your sugar consumption have made you moody and depressed and often anxious.  Notice how alcoholics get after they drink – moody, angry, depressed.  The alcohol turns into sugar that alters brain chemistry and results in mood swings and nasty side effects.

Mood follows Food. So notice how you feel after you eat up to 36 hours after (some even say up to 3 days later).  Keep a food diary and a mood diary.  You might even notice that a glass of apple juice is too much sugar for you and you get jumpy.  Depending on your constitution, even a so called healthy food could be negative for you.

Don’t take my word for it.  Notice for yourself how you are.  How your kids are.   You might think you are giving them healthy food – because the box of cereal says ‘fortified with B vitamins’.  But, I assure you it is still laden with sugar, artificial additives and, in now ay considered a healthy food.

There is plenty of information now on what is healthy and what is a promotion. Educate yourself.  Keep yourself strong, healthy, vibrant and stave off memory loss and other so called ‘age-related’ illnesses.   Yes, you may slow down a bit, but your brain can still be active and alert well into your 90s.   Don’t buy into the TV ads or the pharmaceutical ads.  There are other, healthier ways than stuffing yourself with medications.  They should only be a last resort – not the go to answer.

More to come…..









As a diversion from the difficult and painful news we face everyday, I decided to go a little lighthearted for some relief.


Whenever a woman looks into a mirror, the question that permeates her brain is:

“Do I look fat in this?”  It’s not even, “Is this an attractive outfit.” No, it’s always, “does it make me look fat”. Inevitably, the outfit is thrown off and another and another are tried on with the same plaintive moan – ‘too fat, too fat’.

I ask you, why aren’t women all over the US asking the real question…”Does this make me look too thin.”   I’M SERIOUS HERE.  Afterall, look at how unfeminine and unhealthy the likes of most actresses look. Not only are they starving themselves to look thin on camera, they are doing it to please men. But, when I speak with most men, they want a woman with some meat on their bones – a woman who is a real woman, not a coat rack – and a skinny rack at that.

And, who are these men who prefer skinny women anyway. They are producers and directors that never grew up – wanting undeveloped females gloating over them.  Or, they are gay men, who prefer to have their women look like young boys.  (Yeah, I know, this isn’t politically correct, but it happens to be true.)  

So, it is time for women, real women, to revolt. Ask the question:  “Does this outfit make me look to thin.”  And, if it does, honey, take it off, put on that flowered print dress and do yourself proud.



One of the things I have discovered doing years of therapy, and being a mother as well, is that suffering so often comes from refusing to accept what is.  We say things like, “I refuse to accept this.”   “Until he/she changes, I will not accept them.”   “I cannot forgive them for what they did 35 years ago, so I’m going to continue to be miserable.”

When we say or think this way, our lives become a struggle and very painful.  We also prevent ourselves from growing, changing and from allowing the situations that cause us so much pain to move into a less painful place.

When I say acceptance, I do not mean resigning yourself, which would result in continuing to feel sorry for yourself (a very non-productive state to be in). Acceptance is assenting to the reality of the situation, what is, without protesting or attempting to change it, allowing it to be.

When you can accept what is, amazingly what happens next in your life changes…for the better.  You free yourself from fighting yourself, your demons, others; anger diminishes and you free yourself to view life in another way.   You will find you have more energy because you have been using all that energy to focus on the negatives in your life and things you may never be able to change.

And then, forgive yourself for having wasted all that time,  for doing what you thought was right or even for what you might have thought was wrong.  Forgiveness does not mean forgetting.  What it does mean is that you are a human being.  Humans make mistakes – it’s how we learn.  We didn’t come with manuals so we learn as we go.  Some of us have had great role models, most of us haven’t.   We are bombarded with social media, with advertising, news, movies, unrealistic expectations that make us feel we are failing; that we are not good enough.  Forgive yourself for buying into it all.  (Advertisers are betting that we will all feel less than so that we will buy their products to make us feel better – though it does not work.  But, it does make certain people rich.)

When you cannot forgive yourself, you continue with feelings of shame and guilt.  It’s hard to move forward and feel good enough and worthy if you are full of shame.  Eventually, you can do your best to forgive others.  The more you forgive, the freer and happier you become.

It takes time.  It takes some work.  Without question, resistance will come up.  Accept the resistance; it’s part of the process.   If you have been punishing yourself for years  and cannot accept your life as it is, it may take you longer than you would like to make the change.  But, the more you accept what is and that what others think of you is their issue, not yours, the easier life can be.  The happier and more satisfied with who you are happens.

I will continue to write more about this and the benefits of acceptance and forgiveness.  Look into it.  Try it.  All you have to lose is pain and suffering and so much to gain.



As much as I have been consumed with the news, politics, who is accusing whom these days, Trumps latest inane tweets, I have discovered that all this anxiety provoking information has done just that – made me anxious, irritated, angry and judgmental, no matter how much mindful meditation I do.   It has also done the same thing for everyone I meet or read on Facebook.

So, in order to maintain a sense of sanity and calm, I am limiting my exposure to the news.  No more Rachel or MSNBC, no more Sunday morning reporters and Congress people telling me how to think; Facebook on occasion, not hourly, occasional nightly news but not nightly.  I might even decide to abstain from Facebook as well.

I know that, somehow, I will be able to get whatever news I need to get whenever.  Everything is repeated more than a 100 times daily, so I’m sure I won’t miss anything.  I am a strong believer in a well informed electorate and that we must know what is going on in order to keep our country free and strong and respected around the world.

But, it has all gotten so out of hand.  With the 24/7 news cycle, and everyone posting, everything and anything has become news  There seems to be no significant difference between the importance of a missile launch by North Korea and the latest egg free scrambled eggs that taste like eggs; the devastating tax reform bills and the Kardashian’s latest shoe collection.   Everything has equal weight.  Too much information and too little substance.

Oh and everything is Breaking News – “Fly splats on windshield – Breaking News”.

And though it is not yet New Year’s, I resolve to watch less and less news, less posts and enjoy more Netflix, even though Poldark is off air for now. I will be reading more – fiction – meditating more and, hopefully, even staying off the cell phone more.

After 30 days, I shall report on how my inner and outer emotions have been affected by my own News Break. If you wish to join me on this endeavor,  I would enjoy hearing about your experience.